A DIVINE WORLD IN THE MAKING

Sunday, January 25, 2009

One giant leap for me...

I am so proud of myself. So I was at a Liberty Travel with my girls and this idiot texts me "I miss you". Last year, I would've stopped whatever I was doing and reply back instead I ignored him. One giant leap for me!

I sit here typing my thoughts realizing that it doesn't hurt as much as it did before. Yes, I have my moments when I'm all alone and need someone...anyone to fill my loneliness(read 3 posts down) but even then I never let him back in my life. Maybe I'm a lot stronger than I think. Hopefully, this is a sign that maybe I'm ready to go out there again and find Mr. Right. We'll see.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Quick thought....
So I skipped work the last 2 days...just haven't been up to it. I called out twice within the first month of the year. What a way to start the new year! I just need a break from nursing. I've been doing this...for what...5 months and I'm already burned out. This is not looking good at all. I'm fine when I'm there. It's the getting up and going that's the problem. I need to figure something out quick.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Aaaaaaaaat Laaaaaaaaast!

Can you ask for anything more beautiful than this picture. Americans, for the most part, aren't used to seeing black couples on television. Now the most photographed couple (the title has always has belong to the President and First Lady) will be people of color. It's nice seeing something nonscripted and nonstagnant.

I want what they have!

I haven't been on my blog for well over a year. A lot has happened. I'm now a nurse. I work in the city. I make a lot of money...oddly enough I'm still broke. I've rekindled a lot of old friendships and now trying to rid myself of the unhealthy ones.

The biggest change: I'm seriously lonely. I don't mean I have no one to talk too but I have no intimacy in my life. Awhile back I described a relationship I had been in (it's a few posts down). I called it a "friend with benefit" type relationship. Well, we tried the relationship thing and he seriously hurt me. Mind you, I was the one who didn't want to pursue anything more than what it was but he insisted he believed it would work and it did for awhile until he started trying to talk to a couple of friends of mine thinking I would never find out. Talk about a low blow. My self esteem plummetted after that and I haven't recovered since. It's now been 5 months and everytime I think about it I get sick to my stomach. I'm a little better now....at least I'm not crying at the thought of him anymore but from time to time when I'm home alone and memories start creeping I do tear up. I have so many questions. He still texts me from time to time. I either ignore it or just reply one word answers. Why does he even bother? I gotta get over this. I want to meet someone. I want to be swept off my feet. I want to feel wanted. Right now, I just feel lonely.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

This is where I've been spending my summer. For the past month and a half I have been interning at one of the best hospitals in the world. How is it, you ask? Well, any doubts I had about nursing has been thrown out the window. I am in love again. The idea of spending my summer in NYC was a big deal but actually doing it was even better. The city really never sleeps. But the hospital I'm at (I will keep quiet about the name only because of privacy issues) has the best of everything. You really can't ask for anything better. It's official, this is the hospital I wish to start and finish my career.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Friends With Benefits

Are these types of relationships healthy?

I'm in what some would characterize a 'friends with benefits' relationship. I have this guy friend who is so uncomplicated. He listens. He advises. He's warm and most importantly trustworthy. So why aren't we 'together'...well we are but not in the conventional sense. See, between school and work I don't have the energy for the baggage that comes with having a boyfriend. Some would characterize this type of a relationship as very unhealthy because ultimately someone will catch feelings. Others will argue in today's fast paced world where divorces are just legal breakups it's so easy to just end it all. What's the point of investing time knowing you're not fully invested in making it work. I have so much going on in my life...deep down it's a temporary solution in this stage of my life.

Or maybe I should be honest with myself and admit my real feelings. Quite honestly, I don't even know how I feel about him. I like him but not in the way of 'I hope we have a long lasting relationship.' I'm physically attracted to him but I don't see myself with him for the longterm only because he one day wants to get married and have children...things I'm not sure I want. I don't see myself married. So right now I think I might be subconsciously keeping him in the 'friend with benefit category' until I figure out my next move. I don't want to fall deep for him but I don't want him to think I'm using him or worse he move onto someone else. I know one thing, I just answered my original question. It's not healthy.

How I Enjoy the Smell of My New Apartment...

Do you know where I'm typing from? Yes, I'm finally settled in my new apartment. I'm loving it! It took months but I've finally signed a lease and enjoying every bit of this new space. Granted, I have a large empty living room because buying a 2,000 furniture set isn't a priority when I still have a 17,000 tuition payment that needs to be made for the new school year but I'm not worried. I'm going to enjoy July even if it kills me....it will kill me...but I'm still going to enjoy it!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

26 Years Younger!

My B-day passed a couple of weeks ago. Yes, I am now 26 years younger. How the hell did that happen? I've officially entered the 'You don't look 26"stage. When I was 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 I hated when people described my look as young but now I have a new found appreciation for it.

On March 28, 2006 I made up my mind that I was taking the day to myself...well I still went to class and I was to meet up with my boy-friend (the label is temporary) for a little girl-friend (again...the label is temporary...notice the dash) appreciation. The worst part about birthdays is the recognition. The best part about birthdays is the recognition. I would rather people not bring it to my attention but at the same time I would be pissed if you didn't. So I went the whole day getting my usual calls of congratulations on being officially in my middle 20's. Then my friend (notice the label) cancels on me! Talk about P-I-S-S-E-D. I was determined not to let him ruin this day so I agreed to go with my cousin to this party he was hosting. After 10 minutes of driving the opposite direction of NYC, I tapped my cousin on the shoulder and asked where he was taking me. I guess I should've asked before I entered the car....ATLANTIC CITY! Oh Hell Naw! Sitting in a car for 2 hours was not my idea of salvaging my day but it was too late. I was stuck. Luckily, the way my cousin drove we were there in about an hour and a half. I was tired, pissed, and ready to go off on anyone until we arrived at 40/40 AC. I have to say...not bad....better than the NYC establishment...waaaay better. As I entered the establishment and was directed into one of the rooms to my surprise everyone, and I mean everyone, was there to celebrate my day even my boyfriend (the return of the label). A certain president/B-ball owner/club owner passed through as well. Remember what I said earlier in my blog post....well apparently, he agreed, 'You don't look 26'. I agree, Jay, I agree! LOL!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Why AM I Still Worried?

2 jobs

Ace'ing my classes

Paying off my car note (this month)

My credit card bills are almost paid off (give it another month or two)

Moving to a new apartment in August.

Why am I still so worried? Everything is going the way it should be. Why do I feel...

Tired

Restless

Anxious

Scared

Annoyed

Follow me while I create my divine world. What's my divine world, you ask? It's living, breathing, and experiencing every moment good or bad and reflecting and learning from those moments. Why, you ask, well, because I want too.

: Name: Jbrit; Location: West Orange, New Jersey, United States

A Romantic Idiot. A Naive Realist. Love the Art of Music hate Today's Artists who make them. An Experienced Virgin. Flirtatious Tease. A complicated Soul. Definably Undefinable. A Born NY'er who lives in Jersey. I am the Holland Tunnel.

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