I haven't been on my blog for well over a year. A lot has happened. I'm now a nurse. I work in the city. I make a lot of money...oddly enough I'm still broke. I've rekindled a lot of old friendships and now trying to rid myself of the unhealthy ones.
The biggest change: I'm seriously lonely. I don't mean I have no one to talk too but I have no intimacy in my life. Awhile back I described a relationship I had been in (it's a few posts down). I called it a "friend with benefit" type relationship. Well, we tried the relationship thing and he seriously hurt me. Mind you, I was the one who didn't want to pursue anything more than what it was but he insisted he believed it would work and it did for awhile until he started trying to talk to a couple of friends of mine thinking I would never find out. Talk about a low blow. My self esteem plummetted after that and I haven't recovered since. It's now been 5 months and everytime I think about it I get sick to my stomach. I'm a little better now....at least I'm not crying at the thought of him anymore but from time to time when I'm home alone and memories start creeping I do tear up. I have so many questions. He still texts me from time to time. I either ignore it or just reply one word answers. Why does he even bother? I gotta get over this. I want to meet someone. I want to be swept off my feet. I want to feel wanted. Right now, I just feel lonely.
posted by Jbrit @ 8:26 PM
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